Off of politics; still about idiots.

I thought that I would try to be a little helpful this morning. The best way that I could think to do that would be to impart a little wisdom to the driving-impaired.
My Ode to the three jack-asses driving 58 mph down I-55 this morning, side by side, 3 miles of traffic backed up behind them:
KNOCK IT OFF!

1. The name of the training book you had in Driver's Ed was called "Rules of the Road," not "Suggestions to be Ignored."
2. When on a limited access expressway, slower traffic keeps right and the left lane is for passing. No, REALLY! Read the rule book! It's in there! If you don't know what a 'limited access expressway' is, hand me your license right now, and no one will get hurt.
3. That thing in the middle of your windshield is called a "rear-view mirror." If you look in it once in a while, you may notice that you are NOT the only driver on the road. If traffic is clear in front of you and backed up behind you, there is a problem. The problem is YOU.
4. Your car is equipped with pretty blinking lights called 'turn signals.' It lets other drivers know what you are planning to do, so that they don't inadvertantly kill you.
5. When you see a sign telling you that the lane you are in is going to end ahead, this would be a clue that you should try to get into the OTHER lane. By the way, the reason that the other lane is travelling so slowly is because of all the jack-asses in the closing lane, who try to cut in at the last minute, causing everyone else to have to slam on their brakes. You are either part of the problem or part of the solution. Pick a side.
6. When you pass an accident, judge the distance between you and the car in front of you before you rubberneck. When you are done gawking, re-judge the distance to the car in front of you. If you are further behind them than before, then YOU are the reason for the traffic jam, NOT the accident....
7. When you pass a policeman with a radar gun, it is not necessary to slow down 10 mph under the speed limit.
8. Likewise, when an officer already has someone else stopped, it is unlikely that he will stop what he's doing to chase you down. You're not that important. He doesn't care WHOSE ticket-money it is.
9. When on a country blacktop, please don't pull out in front of a car moving at full speed, if you plan to drive 40 mph...or WORSE, if you plan to turn again at the next intersection.
10. Inclement weather can impair driving. You can not drive 80 mph and expect everything to be the same. Likewise, there is no real reason to slow down to 20.
11. When a stoplight turns green, please give the person in front of you time to move their foot from the brake pedal to the gas pedal before blaring your horn.
12. When parking, please notice that there are other cars around you. Parking with an extra 10 feet behind you and an extra 10 feet in front of you, is actually taking 2 spaces. If you can't parallel park, please don't try.
13. Parking across 2 parking spaces in a parking lot does not make you look cool...it makes you look like a D-bag. Seriously, you're not as cool as you think you are and neither is your car.
14. That horrible sound you hear when your bass is cranked up to '11' is called harmonic distortion. People who actually understand music usually avoid it, so they can hear things like the words or the melody. As a sidenote, if I wanted to hear your music, I would play it myself. As another sidenote, blowing yet another set of woofers does not make you cool, but it will make you deaf.
15. No one who has ever had to make a car payment for more than a year thinks it's a good idea to spend more money on their rims and speakers than on the entire rest of their car. Seriously.

This has been a public service announcement.